Its quite an unsettling feeling. May be writing it will help ease me a bit. feel time is just fleeting away and am not able to capture anything. I am still waiting, waiting for the same things as I ever was. Will I always be waiting, I don’t want to. I close my eyes I see, like in movies, the whole world running past me, whereas I am still there. Sometimes my mind rushes ahead of me and all I want is to tell it to stop. Its life that I am scared of wasting may be, may be not making enough mistakes, mistakes that would teach, teach to live free, free from fear , fear of the unknown, unknown what is it?
I don’t want the illusion of happiness, which I am scared am sinking into, illusion of higher state of life or illusion of achievements. Its not just the vastness but the deepness am not aware of. I am missing some essence of life and there is more that I seek. My mind is not ready to accept and my heart does not feel the freedom. How do I get connected, connected to the search, search to be one, one with one and all, to feel the freedom and to follow my heart.
